Most of us aren’t aware of how deeply our childhood and the relationship we have with our parents and/or siblings impacts the way we manage money.
The roles we take on as kids impact our sense of power and the power dynamics in parental relationships.
My greatest challenge has been my relationship with my mom so my focus has been on healing the mother wound.
As kids we learn very quickly what makes our mothers happy.
We learn that asking for things makes our mothers upset and that having our s*** together is a good thing, so we take on the role of the mini adult and start parenting ourselves; sometimes we even parent our mothers and/or our siblings. When we do this 3 things can happen:
i. We stop being children
We skip a phase, become responsible mini-adults and may even parent our siblings and our parents.
Our inner child hates this and harbors deep resentment about it.
This resentment can play out as anger (most of it directed towards your mother), depression and sadness. These emotions impact our finances in various ways - see the Heart, Mind and Money book for that.
ii. Feeling not good enough, unlovable and unworthy
Since your inner child didn’t really get the love he/she deserves, and were always giving love to others, they’re unsure that they deserve to be loved.
They play the role of the giver for so long, they have no clue how to receive.
This plays out in our lives as having weak boundaries, giving our everything to a lover, giving our everything to our kids, not feeling like we can accept money, not feeling worthy of being paid, feeling overlooked and invisible
iii. Total rebellion in adulthood
We check out of the whole family and relationship thing and go do us but there's a loneliness to all this.
Or we rebel by being everything our mothers aren’t; we mother differently, we become the opposite of our mothers in every way even in our career and money choices.
This is also detrimental because as terrible as some mothers are, there are qualities that they have that can serve us on our journey.
For example: My mom is an intense saver and never had debt, but when I rebelled I became the opposite - I piled up debt. Until I gave myself permission to stop wanting to be the opposite of my mother, I couldn’t start saving.
The child whose sense of power is tied to their mother
We don't take on a parent role and we're truly children but our sense of power and self is tied to our mothers.
Our mother is literally our everything and our best friend. We want to make our mother proud but we also want to remain a child.
This is awesome, but if your mother is your best friend then there's the fear of what happens if you find your sense of power and allow yourself to dream beyond what your mother has dreamed and go after things she’s never been able to achieve.
When this happens there could be a subconscious fear about what could happen to the relationship when you expand financially.
How will the power dynamics shift?
What happens when you suddenly experience and know more than your mother?
What happens when you suddenly earn way more than your mother and start living a life that's completely foreign to her?
Most times, if our mothers haven't given us permission to dream bigger and go after your dreams, we hesitate and feel bad for wanting more and even dreaming of more.
We sabotage ourselves financially and energetically so we keep playing small so we can keep the relationship the same.
Most women and a few men, sometimes say to me: it's like I can't dream and visualize.
The real question to ask ourselves in this case is – is it because can't or because we won’t allow ourselves to dream?
I'll be discussing all this and more in tomorrow’s live class because family dynamics are a big reason of why we keep sabotaging ourselves and stop ourselves from moving forward.
We have at least 7 lessons in the Creating Money Magic course focused on Akashic records clearing and inner child healing to help students heal family dynamics with money.