Change your life

Change Your Money Story; Change Your Life

Change your money story

The last few days have probably been one of the hardest I've had in a long time.

A lot of stuff about self worth has been coming up for me during meditation, since doing a shamanic session to open up my heart and throat.

The one thought that's been plaguing me during my meditation is: "I'm not good enough (yet) to be loved unconditionally by anyone including me."

I thought I was over this self worth drama, especially after all the work I've done on self love. 

 

The fear & pain of not being good enough (yet)

 

The thing that bugs me most is the YET, in that whole story.

It implies that, I could be good enough, I just have to get perfect.

Every time I sit with the thought of not being good enough yet, I cry.  

This thought made me sad. On Monday morning I started worrying about getting depressed again.

 

For the first time in 4 years, I considered the possibility of being depressed again

 

I was worried that I was regressing, that all those old feelings of self loathing would come back and I'd look in the mirror and hate myself all over again.

But I continued to sit with the sadness and meditate.

During meditation I saw clearly that "not being good enough yet" was a story I was telling myself.

The story I was telling myself was that I needed to be perfect to love myself unconditionally and that love was a reward. When I mess up, I withdraw that reward and push myself harder.

There's so much pain to this story and it's holding me back from being the best me.

I've always created stories about money, until these stories started to dominate my life and I could no longer get out of bed.

There was once a time when I could no longer feel hope or joy, only self loathing and disgust.

At the end of the meditation I remembered that I'd come out of all that smiling and unshakable in my self belief.

And that when it hit me - I can heal this. I have the tools to heal this. It's all a story.

And that's what I did.  

I spent  the last 2 days unpacking the stories I've created about my worthiness to receive love and money.

Today I woke up feeling lighter, happier and more at peace with myself and the world.

 

How your money story holds you back

 

Money stories are good and bad things we tell ourselves about money.

We tell ourselves these stories so often, they become part of our belief systems.

Our money stories stop us from taking constructive financial action because we approach the present moment with the same mentality as the past.

We think we know and in our knowing, we create our future realities.

We imprint the future with our past events and experiences.

For years I believed I was:

~ Cursed with money

~ Bad with money

~ Terrible at marketing my services

~No one will love me unless I have money

All these beliefs were part of my money story.

It's what I told myself everyday and my life reflected all these beliefs back to me, so I kept believing it and I kept replaying the same script.

Today, these old stories still come back in another form and I have to dig deeper to release them.

 

How to change your money story

 

You'll need 20 mins for this exercise.

Take a look at your bank statement for 5 minutes.

Ask yourself: "What does this bank balance say about me?"

Close your eyes and see what sensations come up in your body.

What emotions are tied to that sensation.

If there are no unpleasant sensations or emotions then great.  You can just relax after this exercise.

If there are unpleasant sensations close your eyes and focus on the sensations.

Ask out loud "what thoughts are causing these sensations" and just wait for the answer to come from a place deep within you. It might shock you.

Write the thoughts down and then question each negative thought using the work of Byron Katie:

~ Is it True

~ Can you know its true?

~ How do you react when you think this thought?

~ Who would you be without this thought (as in if you never thought this thought)?

~ Turn the thought around and give 3 examples the opposite is true.

Answer each of the questions from the heart. Not your head.

 

What's your money story?

 

Who would you be without your money story?

What becomes possible when you change your story about money?

I look forward to hearing from you in the comments section below.

How to Heal Your Inner Child & Change Your Life

A coach once told me that all our problems stem from 2 people in this world: mommy and daddy and our relationship with them.

At the time I didn’t think much of all he said because it seemed so much like psychobabble but after all the work I’ve done to heal myself I know that to change your life, you have to let go of the past and heal your inner child.

All psychology books will tell you that the child learns behaviour, including financial behaviour, from their parents or tribe (extended family and close family friends).

We treat ourselves and discipline ourselves the same way our parents treated us.

 

Meeting the inner child

 

According to the model of transactional analysis, developed by Dr Eric Berne, we have 3 parts to our personality – parent, child and adult and these constantly transact or communicate with one another.

According to Berne, there are 2 types of parents:

  1. the nurturing parent, who is very supportive of the child
  2. the controlling parent who is very critical of the child

And there are 3 types of children:

  1. The little professor, who is always exploring the world
  2. The adaptive child who adapts to situations by either rebelling or fitting in
  3. The natural child who is carefree and happy

At any stage in our relationships with others or ourselves we're either in the adult, parent or child role.

When we’re in the parent role we tend to take on our parents’ role and treat ourselves and those around us the way our parents treated us.

This isn’t a problem if your parent role is nurturing and tells our inner child that everything will be okay and we don't have to worry.

If your parents were critical, there’s a high probability that you’ll criticize your inner child and stunt your own growth.

The cycle of criticism continues and can gives rise to feelings of shame, making you feel like you’re not good enough or worthy of good things.

 

How to Heal Your Inner Child & Change Your Life

 

There comes a time when we can no longer suppress the needs of our inner child. The child starts to rebel and rule our lives, which leads to self-sabotage.

 

1. Get to know your inner child

 

Before you can heal your inner child you need to understand their needs and get to know them.

I usually take clients through a guided inner child meditation or visualization where they get to meet their inner child and then based on where they are on their journey I have them ask their child questions and just start to build a relationship with them.

 

2. Heal the needs of your child

 

Once you’ve met your inner child, start giving them attention every day and hug him or her if they let you.

It may take a while for the child to trust you but that’s because they're hurt. This distrust may be more pronounced if you've played the role of the critical parent for too long.

Give your inner child love and attention during the visualization process by hugging them and telling them they're beautiful and perfect as they are.

Many of us, didn’t hear this growing up and have an innate belief that to get love we have to do something, be something or meet certain expectations, which would explain why we’re workaholics and obsessed with achieving.

 

3. Play

 

When you’ve started developing a relationship with your inner child ask them what would make them happy, go out and do that thing.

Louise Hay in her book “The power is within you” suggests that you visualizing yourself giving your inner child what they want, and then try to give them that in real life as well.

 

How do you feel about building a relationship with your inner child?

Let me know in the comments section.