In the #LiveWithIntention course I have people do an exercise to see their first memory with money.
And since I love doing the work with my students, I decided to do this exercise with and to be honest I was never ready.
My first memory of money is one of me stealing money from my great grandma (ZAR 7/ 70 US cents).
And then to make matters worse - I lied to my grandmother about where I got the money.
I told her my mom had given it to me for school fees.
A few days later I caught my late cousin stealing money from my mom and made him put it back.
This whole exercise killed my vibe to be honest.
Because it related directly to a story that I shared in the Money Magic student group I had about overcharging a client when I was in debt and then confessing and paying back USD5,000/ ZAR60,000.
I was so angry that I confessed and hated this work (money magic meditations) for leading me to do that.
Our childhood experience of money affects our emotions around money in this moment
As an adult, I used to get panic attacks whenever I had to manage money and having done the exercise in the course, I can see where that panic came from.
When I stole that money from my great grandmother, there was a massive amount of panic of needing to get rid of money in case I got caught.
For a child that panic is very real.
It felt unsafe to have the money on me. And I had no clue what to do with this money or how to get rid of it so it felt overwhelming and increased the panic.
As an adult, having money triggered that childhood panic and I needed to get rid of money as soon as I had it on me or in my bank account.
And this was directly linked to this event in my life.
Added to the panic and fear of having too much much money and not knowing what to do with it, was the fear of being corrupted by money.
The fear that money would corrupt me, blocked me from allowing money into my life for years.
This makes total sense, because the first time I handled money I stole and lied.
I basically behaved like a 5 year old gangster. Damn!!
It also explains why one of my spirits of money is a Somali pirate (but that's a story for another day).
CLICK ON THE VIDEO BELOW TO LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF MONEY AND MONEY BEHAVIOR AS ADULTS
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