Why Self-deprivation Makes You Hate Your Budget

Why Self-deprivation Makes You Hate Your Budget

A few months ago, I woke up with the thought that self deprivation is a form of self-torture and it’s often linked to money.

Self-deprivation can be the way we deprive ourselves of sleep, healthy food, deprive our body of exercise, deprive our mind of peace, deprive ourselves of financial wellbeing etc.

Giving to ourselves and nurturing ourselves can be the hardest thing because at the base of it is the desire to self-sabotage.

Self Love Is the Key to Financial Freedom

Happy young woman taking a selfie with mobile phone in Paris, Fr

I arrived back in South Africa 2 weeks ago after a week long stop in Brazil, where I visited a friend in Guaruja and spent time in what I consider, the most perfect swimming water.

It's also in Brazil that one of my closest friends dared to me to approach my love life in the same manner I've approached my finances.

I think, she and some of my other friends are worried I'm still stuck on my ex.

Or maybe they are worried because I often forget that I'm single until someone points it out. 

So with valentine's day approaching I thought it'd be a great idea to reflect on the things I've learned about love and money.


It's easier to give and receive love, when we love ourselves


I spent years looking for someone to love me, just so I could feel validated and worthy of this life.

I yearned for financial freedom, not because I wanted to be independent but because I thought it'd make me more lovable.

Deep down in my heart, I believed that I could only get love if I was perfect and financial freedom was part of that quest for perfection.

My case isn’t unique – most of us have a reason for not loving ourselves unconditionally.

For some of us that reason is weight, for others it’s age…

Unfortunately, looking for love and validation outside ourselves impacts us financially.


Seeking approval has a negative impact on our finances


The quest to please others and looking for others’ approval holds us back financially. 

Most of us are stressed because we’re in everybody’s business instead of staying in our own business.

We have enough going on in our heads and our lives to keep us entertained and confused; we don’t need to worry about what others think about us.

How does seeking approval impact our finances?


1. Increased debt


When we worry about what other people think about us, whether we’ll fit in. be liked or approved of, we forget that the most important relationship is with ourselves.

We end up spending money we don't have to impress people and fit in, which could lead to increased debt. 


2. Increased spending


When we live in fear of “others” opinion about us, every action we take is immediately followed by a question about what “they'll say” or how they'll treat us. 

We spend money on things so people can like us and we can fit in.


3. Decreased savings and investments


When we focus on others’ perceptions of us, we have to be aware that we're also focused on perceiving others and judging others.

These perceptions and judgements give rise to emotions, such as guilt, shame and envy, which have a negative impact on our financial behaviour such as savings and investments.

Self Esteem
Self Esteem

it’s important to know how to love ourselves


Something amazing happens when you start to love yourself and start to see your own worth: you set boundaries and teach people how to treat you.

When you love yourself you seek your own approval and stop trying to please others, which makes you more likely to start living your truth and do things that please you.

When you love yourself you begin to realize that the love of others is an added benefit and not the reason to live.

And because the law of attraction is a law of nature, our external environment will start to change – all your relationships (including work) will become better.

When have great relationships with people in our environment, our stress is reduced which has a positive impact on our finances.

When we love ourselves and give ourselves the freedom to be we hold the space for others to find their own greatness and prosper.


How to practice self love


1. Practice self-compassion


People spend a lot of time criticizing themselves instead of nurturing themselves or showing themselves compassion.

When you show yourself compassion you begin to focus on your own wants and needs and begin to show yourself kindness.


2. EFT Tapping


I love combining EFT and inner child healing to help clients work through self-criticism and self-hatred. You can start by setting up a statement that feels true about loving yourself and start repeating that as you tap through the acupressure points.


3. Positive affirmations


Many people love affirmations because they're simple and easy and can be done anywhere. An example of a simple and easy affirmation is: I now love and accept myself.


4. Meditation


Meditation is a great way to be still. observe yourself and start to see your own beauty. Its also a powerful tool for self-acceptance

As nice as it is to receive the love and approval of others, it’s just as important to approve of ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally.

As Wayne Dwyer says, “If you focus on what others expect of you, you’ll continue to act on and attract more of what they desire for you. But if you can shift your inner thoughts to what you intend to create and attract into your life, you will no longer have to give mental energy to what others want for you.”


How do you think self love impacts our finances?

Please share your insights in the comments section below.

Is Your Lack of Self-esteem Affecting Your Salary?

Self Esteem

I once paid off $5,000 (US) in debt in Boston, MA in a space of 3 months just by raising my self-esteem, which gave me the courage to double my coaching fees and go after a new clientele.

Until the day I doubled my fees I’d never believed that I was worth that price or that those clients would take me seriously.

I always believed that people would laugh at me behind my back for even marketing to them.

A study by Timothy Judge and Charlice Hurst in found that people with higher self-esteem earn more money, have greater job satisfaction and occupational status than people with lower self-esteem.

People with high self-esteem attain success at an early age.


You’re either wasting time or maximizing time


Every time I listen to my negative internal chatter I second guess myself and start making bad financial decisions.

I start to doubt my very existence and start asking thinking:

Should I even be on this planet?

Should I have written a book?

Should I be writing anything?

Is there something wrong with me?

These thoughts take up hours of my day because I’m too busy judging myself, instead of enjoying the new opportunities that are opening up for me.

In those hours I could’ve written something amazing, cooked lunch, gotten booked for a speaking opportunity or landed a new coaching client.

I could have created financial value in my life.

But I couldn’t do any of that because I was too busy doubting my ability to create anything.


How to improve your self esteem


1. Take action even when you’re scared


We increase our confidence by repetitively doing the things that we’re scared of every day without fail and facing that fear until it becomes our norm.

When I started out as an entrepreneur I couldn’t sleep, I suffered from panic attacks and had constant acid reflux from the fear of being homeless, starving and failing.

But I just kept at it even when I was homeless (which was often), starving and walking 2 miles in the snow (I lived in the USA and had no transport money).

Fast forward a few years - I’ve starved, failed and been homeless so often that I’ve started to see failure as a myth.


2. Focus on the small wins


Every goal is made of small wins along the way and it’s important to celebrate these victories along the way.

Go out to dinner, call a friend, do a victory dance. It helps a lot to focus on your wins when you start to doubt yourself.

This is exactly what I do to pull myself together: I make myself recount all the things I’m doing right in my life despite my self-doubts.


3. Ditch your perfection issues


Most of us have a little voice in our head that judges us.

The key to dealing with this voice is to acknowledge it, write everything it tells you down on paper and question it.


4. Love yourself by being kind to yourself


Cut yourself some slack and relax.

If things don’t go the way you planned, take a deep breath and remind yourself that today is just a day in your life.

You’ll create a lot more opportunities in the future.

Even if you have 1 day left to live, it’s still 24 hours and that’s a lot of time to spend being mean to yourself.

In the words of Audre Lorde: “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies of me and eaten alive.”


How has self-esteem impacted your finances?

Let me know in the comments section below.