One of the major emotions I struggle with is guilt, especially around money.
I keep thinking I'm okay and I've it sorted but wow, am I wrong!
I'm seeing it pop up again now - around money, happiness and life choices.
The brain hates uncertainty, it sees uncertainty as dangerous; the clearer you are about what you're trying to create or achieve, the more confident you'll be when it comes to taking constant action.
Uncertainty is part of life and there’s no way to know the future with complete certainty. There are too many variables.
We assume the way to avoid financial failure is to know all the variables and possibilities, but what we need isn’t knowledge of the future or instant success, what we need is courage to keep going in the face of impossible odds.
When we see our worst fears and face them, they can no longer control us.
I’ve made tons of financial mistakes, even as a money coach and personal finance author.
One big money mistake I made, was not listening to my financial adviser when she tried to get me to move into real estate investing and start creating passive income 4 years ago.
I held onto that mistake for years and spent years beating myself up for not listening to her, until I realized it was affecting my relationship with money.
When we hold on to a financial mistake and we keep thinking about what we should have done better or we keep replaying how badly we screwed up, we teach our mind to focus on that mistake and we keep the energy of that mistake alive and store those memories in our bodies.
The longer we keep that energy alive, the more we berate ourselves, blame ourselves and victimize ourselves, the more we start to doubt ourselves with money, which impacts the way we behave with money in the future,
If left unresolved and unhealed, this doubt and victimization can also be passed down from generation to generation.
Last year at the Thai Retreat, Mizo said something really powerful: "Black women know how to hold each other in pain but we don't know how to hold each other in expansion and joy."
I felt that.
We had a deep conversation about this in the #MoneyMagic student group and we were all triggered by the insights we got as we delved deeper on this topic of expansion and being alone at the top.
We spend so much energy holding ourselves back so we can be loved.
This energy we use to keep ourselves small is exhausting, this exhaustion of limiting ourselves is showing up in our bodies and causing physical energy blocks and it’s affecting our health.
The exhaustion shows up as deep anger and frustration about money.
It shows up as resentment in families, especially where money is concerned.
One of my greatest fears is the fear that if I keep financially expanding and allow myself to succeed beyond my wildest dreams, then I will lose the people in my life because they will reject me.
I call this the fear of losing love.
The need to be loved is one of our most basic needs.
Research has shown that babies who are starved of affectionate touch can actually stop growing and can become ill. It’s not enough for babies to be held, they have to be nuzzled and kissed, they have to be held in a way that makes them feel loved.
So as adults, it makes sense that we’d also want to hold onto the love we have in our lives and not lose it.
Why do we run away from the things we say we want?
Why do we say we want to save more money and then spend all our money on something trivial?
We say want to get out of debt but every time we're given the opportunity to do just that we freak out and run away.
At a conscious level we may have a goal to create financial freedom by paying back debt, saving and investing, but at a subconscious level our mind may see our financial goal as unsafe and scary.
Over the last few weeks I've been sharing how money asked to be a husband during one of the meditations. Since then I have noticed a change in how I relate to money. And it's a great change.
I noticed that there's a trust and gratitude within me when it comes to money. It's something that's definitely new and it wasn't always there until I started doing the spirit of money meditations and inner child meditations to let go of the past.
I used to look at my bills or expenses and obsess about cutting them and sometimes feel upset that unexpected bills would appear.
I remember arriving in Dubai at the beginning of last month and just being shocked at the pricing of everything.
I struggle with what I call survivor's guilt.
When things are going well in my life, I downplay the awesomeness of it all and pretend it’s humility.
I sometimes lie about how my business is doing so I can make others around me feel less uncomfortable or maybe it's to make myself feel more accepted.
The guilt that I keep manifesting awesomeness without going through hell because I still have this deep belief that life should be hard.
The guilt that I'm living the life that my parents and ancestors could only dream of, and yet it's because of their ability to dream that I now have the life I have.
And I know that my parents and my whole family love that I have all these choices because all they ever do is support me. Nothing I ask of them is too great.
I also know that I can never feel guilty enough to make others abundant.
To the subconscious mind giving away money to strangers, friends and family will assuage your guilt. Guilt forces you to pay restitution for your wrongs, so if you feel guilty about your good fortune, the one way to rectify it is by giving away money to others
This is a good way to get rid of money and hide your “wrong”. Also spending money as fast as you can ensures that you remain in the same situation as everyone else and avoid criticism or judgement by them
The easiest way not to feel any guilt about money is to never make money by undercharging for your services or taking on jobs that you’re overqualified for
If you find yourself apologizing for your success, pretending to be like everyone else, you’re probably feeling guilty about having money. Notice when you’re giving away money, not from a place of gratitude but from a place of guilt; pause and sit with the emotion.
Use affirmations to let your subconscious mind know that it is safe and morally right for you to be success.
One affirmation I use is:“I am worthy of all the good in this world and allow myself to be super successful”
When we question the mind, we see the truth and as the old saying goes: the truth shall set you free.
Sit with your guilt and observe it.
Ask yourself: where does this guilt come from and wait for the answer.
The root cause of every emotion is a thought and once you release the thought, the emotion it causes will also be released.
How has this impacted your finances?
Please your insights and stories in the comments section below.