What if you don't need more self-discipline? What if you need more support?

For years, I believed my biggest problem was that I lacked self-discipline. I thought I was lazy and that I procrastinated because I wasn't trying hard enough, so I spent years pushing myself harder, criticizing myself, forcing myself to work longer hours and believing that if I could just become more disciplined, everything in my life would finally fall into place.

Instead, I became exhausted.

In 2011, I attended my first 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat. I arrived carrying years of depression and emotional pain. The truth is I’d reached a point where I had decided to end my life.

Before the retreat, an elderly tarot reader in Boston told me, "Hold on for a few months. In March you'll attend a retreat that will change your life."

He was right.

Trauma Often Looks Like Procrastination

Sitting on that meditation cushion, I suddenly understood that I wasn't procrastinating because I was lazy. I was procrastinating because I was overwhelmed.

My nervous system had spent years living in survival mode.

What I had interpreted as a character flaw was actually a protective response.

I didn't need more self-criticism.

I needed compassion.

I needed rest.

I needed support.

Why We Shame Ourselves for Struggling

Women often tell me:

"I just need more discipline."

"I need someone to whip me into shape."

"I need to stop wanting things."

Every time I hear this, I wonder:

What if the problem isn't you?

What if you've been trying to survive inside systems that demand more than they give back?

What if your nervous system isn't failing?

What if it's protecting you?

Sometimes what we call a lack of discipline is actually exhaustion, burnout, unresolved trauma, or simply trying to carry too much on your own.

The Support That Changed My Life

Today, people often compliment me on my discipline; they see the books I’ve written, the business I’ve built, the countries I’ve traveled to and how I show up consistently. But what they don't see is the support behind it.

I have coaches, I work with accountants and financial professionals, I invest in therapy and healing, I have a personal trainer, I build teams instead of trying to do everything myself, I regularly attend retreats, I use technology to simplify my work and I ask for help.

The more support I've allowed into my life, the less I've needed to force myself through it. Ironically, from the outside, it looks like discipline but from the inside, it feels like support.

One of the greatest gifts that increasing my income has given me isn't luxury, it's support.

Support has protected my mental health, it has allowed me to build a business without sacrificing my wellbeing, it has given me space to create, write, travel, and enjoy my life.

For me support creates ease.

What If You Don't Need More Discipline?

Before you tell yourself you need to try harder, ask yourself a different question:

What support do I need that I'm trying to replace with self-discipline?

Maybe you need more rest.

Maybe you need coaching.

Maybe you need childcare, a mentor, therapy, a financial plan, or someone who believes in you while you learn to believe in yourself.

Often the answer isn't becoming more disciplined, it’s allowing yourself to be supported.

And that one shift can change everything.