I am still in Dubai and have finally done a desert safari and it was okay.
It was too touristy and not what I am looking for so gonna be heading to Oman in about 2 months to see if the desert out there can nurture my spirit.
But I did get to see some really awesome dervish dancing
In the midst of all this, I've still been doing some Wealthy Money work and a bit of inner work...so it's not always just about exploring the external.
A few weeks ago I started doing inner child meditations and had this epiphany that so many of my emotions that I thought come from adulthood and events that are happening in this moment, don't come from there.
I've just conditioned myself to react and feel in a particular way from childhood, and most of the events in my adulthood just trigger those emotions and I’m reacting from that space of hurt.
Or because I have these beliefs and emotions from childhood, I'm basically creating life events in this moment to keep proving these emotions and beliefs right.
I’m seeing a pattern from the meditation between me now and me as a child.
The more I do the inner child meditation, the angrier and more ashamed I feel. I used to think this shame and anger came from my teens or even early twenties, I finally realize, I felt these emotions as a child but I was never allowed to show them and was embarrassed that I wasn't happier (most adults still feel pressured to be happy). And I wasn’t old enough to advocate for myself.
As an adult, I have learned to process complex and painful emotions but as I do the meditations I realize that my inner child and that part of my subconscious hasn’t learned this technique and is still hurting, because the subconscious is not rational and the child part of me doesn’t have the reasoning capability to process these emotions so she needs to feel them, be with them and just let them pass through my system.
I've found that doing the inner child meditation together with any of the lesson 1 meditations from the Creating Money Magic eCourse is very powerful and I instantly fall asleep afterwards. It tires me out, no doubt but I do feel like I'm having these insane aha moments and am more productive.
I'm starting to think maybe psychologists are onto something about this childhood development work.
In Buddhism they say that doing this healing work heals not just you but your family or bloodline 7 generations back and 7 generations forward.
I had a thought today that this work is forcing me to do a lot of ancestral healing and heal my family karma, which makes me mad most times. Not because I am against ancestors, not at all. My issues have always been with them as souls - that if they'd done the work, then I wouldn't have to do it.
I’ve actually been stuck in ancestral planes when doing spiritual work (definitely goes under the scariest moments of my life because no one in the space knew if I would get back to our 3D world with a sound mind or body).
I've had conversations with some ancestors and felt some of their pain and scars, which upset me because I've always felt like we do this work so the next generation has a lighter load and they didn't do it.
I don't believe in rituals for ancestors or any spiritual beings since I know how to connect to them and they know my beef and I talk to them in waking life and when they come in my dreams, which is often.
As I converse with my inner child, I have this sadness and understanding of how much pain one must be in to inflict pain on their own children.
I’ve had to talk to my inner child about this, I told her what I know about my grandfather and the time when I met his father in a vision (this happened when I did the Lesson 1 meditation on memories in the Creating Money Magic course) and how this great grandfather scared me.
But meeting him in the vision helped me understand my grandfather and the source of the shame and anger that my mom and all her siblings feel. It helped me understand that not every emotion I feel is necessarily mine or from my past lives.
So with my inner child yesterday we spoke of the violence that lurks in my mother's bloodline and the brilliance and the depression that is part of our DNA. And for the first time, I realized, that we really are the sum total of our experiences and our ancestors experiences.
In South Korea, they have a 7 - 10 day holiday (Chuseok) it's thanksgiving but it’s a holiday to honor the ancestors and go to their graves and talk to them.
And yet in South Africa as African people we've been taught to reject our ancestors and fear them, so basically, we've been taught to fear ourselves.
How do we heal the entire self as a people if we don’t acknowledge our past, where we come from or our ancestral lineage?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.