The good news is that the eCourse opens for registration in 10 days on May 25th and I’ll be sharing a lot around that in the next few days.
The other good news is that my spirit of money and I are talking again and we’re having really deep conversations in the Lesson 0 meditations in the #MoneyMagic eCourse.
A few weeks ago I shared how money asked me to go from lover to husband and how that led to a total meltdown and a break in our conversation.
I also shared how this felt like I was in the middle of a relationship with an actual lover and how this was my normal reaction to any conversation about commitment.
This time I decided to woman up and actually face my commitment fears.
So I went back to the meditations and had a conversation with money about all this.
And money pointed out, that all he’d asked was to move into husband status and I’d created a whole story about what that meant.
Apparently money assumed husband status meant a deeper commitment and trust from my side but I decided that meant something else which led to a conversation on expectations.
My spirit of money explained that I live a life filled with expectations and these expectations influence my behaviour in different parts of my life.
I have these concrete stories and ideas of what a deeper commitment looks like and how it changes people.
In my world, commitment is a dirty little word.
To me a deeper commitment or marriage means staying put, coming home at a set time and being in one place forever.
It means slowing down the pace at which I explore life, so I can do it with the other person.
It means having a curfew to come home and being this woman who suddenly cooks dinner every night because that's what is expected of me.
Because: "Adulting 101."
So when money asked me for a deeper commitment, these are the images I see - this version of me adulting and I freaked out.
To be fair, I wasn’t sure what a marriage and committing to money meant, but a part of me did feel it would be boring and stifling.
A love affair and romance with money sounds so much more exciting and liberating.
At the back of my mind was this question: how do I merge this woman who can go whole months without ever cleaning or cooking a thing, living on smoothies and veg juices and salads and then spending 3 months doing nothing but cooking elaborate 3 course meals, with this adulting version?
But then money pointed out something - I was speaking as though deeper commitment was a prison and that somehow the notion of committing would change me into a version of me I didn't recognise.
Where was I in all this?
Where was my power in all this?
So money asked me to define what a marriage looks like for me and who I am within that, instead of this powerless victim, because as long as I see myself as powerless in this context,
I’d have a hard time opening to the possibilities.
And some possibilities require commitment to things (relationships, jobs, money, gym).
Of course this goes beyond money, but for now I would love to leave you with the same questions money left me with - what does deeper commitment to money look like to you?
What are your fears and dark expectations on really connecting and having a greater relationship with money?
Who would you be if you let go of these expectations and stories of what a deeper commitment to money looks like?
What becomes possible for you financially when you release these expectation and stories?