So I am still in Dubai and spent my Saturday in Abu Dhabi, visiting Emirates Palace and The Grand Mosque.
In the midst of all this, I'm also dealing with the fact that in a recent spirit of money meditation, money had asked me if he could please to be a husband instead of a lover.
I think it's important to note that this was 10 days ago and I haven't done a spirit of money meditation since.
It's started to feel like there's a deeper link between money and relationships than I originally thought. So here are some interesting observations:
1. The #MoneyMagic meditations have lead to a lot of tears, fears, resistance and every emotion in between. It’s interesting for sure.
2. My reaction to money's request is the exact reaction I have to deeper commitment in relationships. So now I'm opening to the idea that maybe it's not them but me since I am the common denominator
3. I honestly have no interest (or am just petrified) in working through this relationship stuff. Or maybe I have a real fear but since we're now publicly documenting this journey, I'm committing to finally linking money and love and being even more vulnerable
4. This has since activated some interesting things in my world. For example a few days ago, in the Facebook group, I mentioned that I had a spontaneous encounter of the male variety here in Dubai. What I didn't mention was that this encounter also brought up my worst fears and nightmares about relationships.
I basically spent 2 hours of my life listening to another human being tell me how awesome and amazing they are and how much money they made (for some reason men feel the need to always tell me this from the jump) and I was expected to oooh and aaah. And then afterwards I was expected to say of course, we'll do this again (As if. Bite me).
5. Between 2015 - 2017, I've had some very "interesting" discussions and experiences on my dates. I've been unsettled by some of the gender issues that came up. For example, I once had a man tell me that he wants to date me because I understand the role of Black South African women in relationships and mine was to support him on his way to being a successful entrepreneur.
So all this work I do on Wealthy Money is so I can help a man succeed (insert all manner of screams*).
So when money asked to be my husband and not a lover…
I was freaked out and all my issues came up in the meditation. I had this epiphany that I see marriage and choosing a husband as choosing a life and I say I want it, but I'm s*** scared of it.
I don’t want to be a spectator to my own life as I ooh and aah at another person’s life. There isn’t a part of me that finds this slightly exciting.
But then I went deeper (I did the lesson 2 meditations on connecting with the higher self) and I had this realization that my fear of commitment and marriage is not about losing my freedom.
It’s about making a mistake and choosing the "wrong man" who will basically take over my life as I lose myself and spend my life seeking validation or to be validated by another.
It's about losing complete control or actually acknowledging that I don't have control over how my life unfolds.
To surrender to the universe is one thing - to surrender to the universe with another person in your life is another kettle of fish.
Who would I be if I deepened my relationship with money even more?
Will it be as easy for me to remain true to myself or will I compromise myself out of existence?
These are the same questions I have with romantic relationship.
Money is asking for a deeper commitment. In the meditations, money is literally saying I want to show up consistently and build something with you and I am running in the other direction.
Who would I be then?
I'm so used to relying on me and can I truly trust this energy?
Trust is a big thing for me in relationships as well:
What if I trust the other person and they betray my trust because there's so much at stake - my health, babies, my dreams etc.?
I don’t have the answers.
I'm still in between tears and clarity and just mostly fear of love and money
So my question is: what’s the greatest fear you have when it comes to committing on a deeper relationship with money - as a lover or even as a best friend?
How are your past experiences with romantic relationships impacting your relationship with money?
How did you behave/ are behaving in those relationships when you're hurt and how are you doing the same with money?
Let's chat on the comments below.
Note: You may need to take a few hours to just reflect on your romantic relationships and how you behave and in them and then reflect back on the link between love and money. Our behaviours and emotional responses tend to be common across all spheres of our lives.