One of the things that came up for me in a recent spirit of money and inner child meditation is this idea of worthiness.
I woke up from a spirit of money meditation with the realization that I've spent my life proving my worthiness to people, to lovers and even to money.
I wasn't aware of this until this recent meditation where I realised that I often entered friendships and romantic relationships on the premise that I have to prove my worthiness of being in people's company or of being loved.
I had a hard time accepting love and goodness as my right.
I spent money, I didn't have, buying things for people or paying for dinners or lunches.
I spent hours trying to prove to men I was dating that I was special and interesting.
I wouldn't use money but I would want to use my achievements and life stories to show how awesome I was.
I was never just present and me in a relationship. I needed to be extra because I believed that was the only way to get love.
I spent most of my life trying to prove that I was worthy of money when deep down I felt unworthy.
I had a hard time reaching out to people and showing my imperfections because I wanted so badly to be liked and loved.
Sharing the things I do in the group, newsletters and blog posts, is something I could never have imagine because my imperfections would have been too glaring and too obvious.
To me revealing an imperfection meant not getting love.
Sometimes I still do all the things I mentioned to prove my worth, but the difference now is I’m aware of it and can sit with it and change my behaviour.
In the recent spirit of money meditation, Money asked me, “why have you always insisted on proving your worth to others and never requested others to prove their worth to you?”
This was a shock to me, because I’ve always believed that others are worthy of my love and what I have to offer.
And because of that I have often taken what I was given and felt grateful.
Until this meditation, I had never had this thought or realization.
Money went on to elaborate that I’ve never asked money to prove his own worthiness of me.
I’ve always assumed this was a one sided relationship and that my role was to prove that I am worthy of money.
Why is money worthy of me or you?
Why is a lover worthy of me?
Why is any lover worthy of you?
Money then explained that being able to ask such questions (like is this man or woman worthy of my undying love and all this dedication), gave me insight and wisdom to be able to set high standards for everyone and everything in my life, including money.
Money explained that he's like a lover - he steps up to the standards we set for him or her.
If I tell a lover I’ll take any form of treatment, I’ll be treated in any way and I can’t hate him for that because those are the terms I agreed to.
If I say I’ll take anything or any amount as long as it’s money, money will show up as anything even as a penny.
Incidentally that has everything to do with the way we view ourselves - only you can know if money is worthy or if others are worthy of you.
On the flip side money explained that there are times when we don’t give our best and we have to ask - are we worthy of this lover or of this money?
My questions to you today are:
i. Are the people and things in your life worthy of you?
ii. Is money worthy of you?
Please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below and if any of this resonated with you, I recommend signing up for the 5 Day Fall In Love With Your Bank Account Challenge below.